Ditch the Resolutions
Discover Your True Intentions
Ditch the New Year’s Resolutions
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—Do you have a New Year’s resolution?
—Why? Should I have one?
—Hmmm… So, are you going to make one? There’s still time…
—Do I need one? What if it's too lame, or I aim too high? What if I fail (again)? Maybe I should play it cool and skip it this year. But then, am I lame for not challenging myself?
Sound familiar? Navigating New Year's resolution season can be a minefield of self-doubt and pressure. We get caught up in the whirlwind of self-improvement promises, only to feel worse when we inevitably stumble.
Last week, we explored the importance of understanding your personal brand—the lasting mark you want to leave on the world and what you want to be known for.
This week, it seems natural to explore the forces the counterpart of last week: how New Year’s resolutions play games with your identity, ego, and intentions.
The Illusion of The Front
Some people call it ego, some personality, and some inner monologue or inner critic. However you want to refer to it (and without getting too technical about it), they are different variations of the same concept. These are the masks we wear, the fronts we present to the world.
Our egos are shaped by our experiences, beliefs, biases, backgrounds, opinions, points of view, and even fears and anxieties, but our true self lies deeper than all of that. This facade we put on craves validation and approval and often confuses fleeting desires with our true selves.
Think of it this way: your ego is that voice in your head that says, "I need to lose 10 pounds to look good and be attractive," or "I must have that promotion to be successful." It's the part of you that compares, judges, and constantly strives for some (new) external validation.
I used to be that guy—always striving, always pushing. The sports car, the downtown loft, the perfectly tailored suit... all part of a carefully constructed image. But beneath the surface, I was driven by anxiety. Every client meeting, every performance review felt like a test I couldn't afford to fail. I was constantly comparing myself to others, terrified of falling behind. I was so focused on achieving, on proving myself, that I rarely stopped to ask how much any of it truly mattered.
The True Identity
Beneath the surface of this front lies your true identity—the essence of who you truly are. It's not about your experiences, achievements, possessions, or social status. It's about your values, the things that light you up, and your unique contribution to the world along the journey.
Your true identity is the voice that whispers, "I am enough," or "I am worthy of love and belonging." It's the part of you that seeks growth, connection, and authenticity.
In my early thirties, I felt I needed a change—an outlet for all the weight I was carrying. So, I joined a local percussion ensemble that practiced on the weekends and some evenings during the week. I started playing Samba and Maracatú, Brazil's most traditional music styles, and this opened a whole new world for me that I hadn’t experienced before. Soon after, I used to joke that I had two distinct personalities: my Monday-to-Friday me and my weekend me. One was worried, serious, and followed a strict schedule. And the other was fun, relaxed, smiled more, and continually tapped different rhythms, trying to get a groove right.
This split personality became more evident as Sunday evenings approached. Mondays became jarring as I drove to my 'cool' consulting job in my 'cool' sports car. It was obvious that something had shifted for me. The joy and freedom I felt during those weekends playing gigs started to seep into the rest of my life. And when I didn’t feel that, life became grey, like watching TV in black and white. Also, the anxiety lessened, the constant need to prove myself began to fade. I was discovering a part of myself that had been asleep for far too long, a part that thrived on connection, creativity, and pure, unadulterated fun. And it felt amazing.
The Power of Intentions
Intentions bridge the gap between our ego and our true identity. They are the compass guiding us towards our values and aspirations. Unlike fleeting resolutions, intentions are rooted in what we value the most and our purpose (even if it’s subconscious).
However, intentions alone are not enough. To truly manifest our desires, we need to translate them into concrete actions. This is where S.M.A.R.T. goals come in—Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound.
Now, before you start stressing about creating the perfect goal, remember this: it doesn't matter how small they are. What's critical is that you take that first step, achieve it, and celebrate it. Make them big enough so long as they're achievable, and after they're achieved, you've got to celebrate them. That's the best fuel to make a follow-up S.M.A.R.T. goal.
In my case, percussion saved my life and my sanity. The first step was finding a place to try percussion safely. But what I really wanted was to have my very own drum kit and play drums in a band. But at the time, it seemed like crazy talk: who, me, a drummer?? First, I started by playing Samba with one group—I played primera, then segunda (the two base drums holding the beat for the whole batucada). Then, I discovered a baque de Maracatú (Maracatú ensemble) and played the Caixa (the Brazilian street snare drum) with another ensemble. Through that group, I met Balboa, a dear friend of mine to this day. He’s the one who invited me to play with his band—The CORE! (the exclamation mark is part of the name). They were just a bunch of cool guys who liked having fun and playing at their corporate Christmas parties every year.
Granted, many of these weren’t time-based for me because it was all about having fun, but each step of the way was building on the previous smaller goals. Also, doing it in community, with other people who support and encourage you, plays an important role.
Here's the thing, though—don't get too caught up in making sure you've got all the components of a S.M.A.R.T. goal right and down pat. The most important thing is to have fun—that's a huge hint that you're on the right track.
The most remarkable anecdote I have (aside from playing with The CORE!), and way beyond any goal I could have imagined, was playing with my Samba group as one of the openers for Sarah McLaughlan’s tour as she came through Toronto one year—we played in front of 18,000 people in what is now the Rogers Center.
Breaking the Cycle of Disappointment
Remember that anxious voice from the beginning? The one worrying about picking the perfect resolution? Here's the truth: you don't need to join the resolution rat race. Instead of asking, "What should I improve about myself?" try asking, "What makes me feel most alive?"
This year, ditch the resolutions and dive deep into your intentions. Ask yourself: What truly sets your soul on fire? What kind of impact do you want to make? What small, achievable step can you take today to move towards that vision?
It's time to break free from the cycle of self-doubt and external validation. Connect with your true identity, set goals that are meaningful to you, and create a life that truly resonates with your soul. Your path to fulfillment starts with listening to that quiet voice of truth within.
The journey starts now, even if it’s with a tiny step: they might just lead you to play in front of thousands—or better yet, to play your own unique symphony of a life well-lived.
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Mariano is a transformational leadership coach specializing in Personal Branding, Strategic Leadership, and Creative Action. Through his signature SHIFT approach, he helps leaders discover authentic perspectives that transform how they see themselves and their potential. His clients consistently report gaining both clarity of purpose and practical strategies that inspire meaningful action.
Ready to explore your leadership potential? Schedule a complimentary consultation to discover how we can work together toward your goals.
