The SHIFT in My Life

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Personal Reflections on Finding My Path

My staff had a nickname for me: “Enojón”—the angry one. Not exactly a title I was proud of, but it was so obvious that I couldn’t deny it either. I thought of it as a superpower or a trademark of mine. Except I wasn’t aware that superpowers came with hidden costs.

“Fine, I can see that. I can live with that”, was my response. After all, I said to myself, this trait has given me the fuel to be in action, kept me on my toes, and made it possible to handle the pressures of running two restaurants and a private events catering business. All those skills—creativity, problem-solving, leadership, public relations, administration, accounting, taxes—seemed like a bargain! That’s what I told myself, anyway.

Except my body was starting to send me invoices that went unpaid.

Many years ago, it started with simple acid reflux issues—a critical procedure was done to fix that. A few years later, in a routine follow-up procedure, I got sepsis that caught my attention (for a while). And soon after that, cancer was discovered, and that’s when I said, “Hmmm… maybe there’s something here for me…”. 

Ok, got it. My radar is up. But what am I looking for?

As life throws at us, the next hint comes from a person I love. It was the most unexpected of times—my very kind mother-in-law said something to me in the middle of a conversation during dinner with everyone at the table. As I was saying something, and while I paused for air, she put her utensils down, took a breath, and blurted out: “Why are you always so angry all the time?!” almost like a non-sequitur. Except it wasn’t. Then, she turned around to look at me straight into my eyes. This stopped me dead cold. “Me? Angry? No, but why do you say that?” I responded while I was thinking of something better to say.

She was absolutely right. I couldn’t argue with her, even tho I pretended it wasn’t angry. She immediately apologized because she is so kind that she didn’t want me to feel bad. But she was right. Then she asked if I had ever noticed that. 

Gulp!

That was a landmark moment for me. I’ve thanked her several times for that insight, and I still do occasionally. Because it forced me to confront something I'd been avoiding: my anger. Where did it come from? Why was it so prevalent in my life?

That question triggered a series of questions that led to a massive shift in my life, one that took years to unfold. In this post, I want to share the steps that led to that shift—steps that I now use with myself and my clients with incredible results.

(In another post, I'll dive deeper into how anger worked for me, both the good and the bad, and the real impact it had on my health. But for now, I want to focus on the key questions that changed everything for me.)

First Question: What do I want?

This was the first question I started asking myself. It was the simplest and hardest question to answer. 

I went to a couple of therapists, I journaled, I talked to friends and my wife, but I just couldn’t figure it out. What did I really want? I had no idea.

I tried taking inventory of my skills, accomplishments, strengths, and weaknesses, but that didn't seem to help much. If anything, it just highlighted areas where I felt like I needed to improve. It was not helping me find out what I wanted or needed. It felt like "more of the same”: gaps that needed fixing, correcting, enhancing, and my problems would be solved. That is not the answer that was hitting the spot.

Second Question: What am I all about?

I couldn't really answer the first question until I asked the second question: Who am I? 

Now, things started to make more sense when I started to look inward. "Okay, hold on," I thought. “Who am I really?" Because that inventory of skills and accomplishments wasn't the whole story. It was just a list of things I did, not who I was.

I asked myself, okay. Hold on. Like like, who who am I really? I have this inventory, but what am I really about? Because this inventory is just a list of of accomplishments, traits, strengths and weaknesses. But is that who I am? 

So I started asking and digging deeper and went completely full-on existentialist on myself. Who am I? 

The best answer that I could come up with was something that I heard 20 years ago in one of my very first personal growth courses: we are nothing but our core values. 

BOOM! Head exploded. Mind blown. Even now, years later, this still resonates with me.

We think we are our personality, and we're not. Our personality is part of who we are. We think we are our ego, and we're not, it’s only a component of us.  We think we are this body we have, right? But no, that's not who we are—that is the body that we have. 

It’s those core values, the things that are truly important to us, that make up who we are. They're our essence, the unchanging core of our being.

Aristotle called it "essence" – the set of qualities that defines a thing to be what it is.  And to me, our essence is expressed through our unique combination of core values. It's the common ground we all share, the thing that connects us beyond the physicality or the material.

If you think about it, our values are what matter most to us. They guide our decisions, shape our relationships, and ultimately define how we experience the world. They existed before us, and they'll exist after us. They're the thread that connects us to something bigger than ourselves.

When I finally understood this, the "what do I want" question became much easier to answer. Because now I was asking it from a place of self-knowledge. I knew who I was at my core, and that made all the difference.

Third Question: What am I prepared to do about it?

Once I understood my values and what truly mattered to me, the next question became clear: what actions am I willing to take to align my life with those values?

This became the real test. We can all say we want things—to lose weight, to start a business, to travel the world—but are we willing to do what it takes to achieve them?

If you say you want to lose weight but aren't willing to change your diet or exercise, maybe you don't really want it. And that's okay. But let's be honest with ourselves.

When we truly discover what we want, and it's aligned with our core values, action becomes effortless. It's not a chore, it's an expression of who we are.

That's when the real shift happened for me. The anger didn't disappear overnight, but it lost its grip on me. It was like the sun breaking through the clouds, lifting the fog around me.

The SHIFT

Connecting these three questions was a massive game-changer for me. The anger that once consumed me began to fade. It was still there, but I no longer needed to rely on it as fuel. I had found a new source of energy—the energy of alignment.

This is the shift I'm talking about—a shift from reaction to intention, from external validation to inner knowing. It's a journey of self-discovery that leads to a more authentic, fulfilling, and joyful life.

And it all starts with asking yourself these three powerful questions. If this resonates with you, and are curious to explore more, then… welcome.

What about you and your own 'shift' moments?

What are your core values? What are you willing to do to live a life that reflects them? What questions have helped you gain clarity and create a life you love? 

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Mariano is a transformational leadership coach specializing in Personal Branding, Strategic Leadership, and Creative Action. Through his signature SHIFT approach, he helps leaders discover authentic perspectives that transform how they see themselves and their potential. His clients consistently report gaining both clarity of purpose and practical strategies that inspire meaningful action.

Ready to explore your leadership potential? Schedule a complimentary consultation to discover how we can work together toward your goals.