Feedback: Poison or Fuel, it Shapes Your Culture
photo by Mariano Alvarez©
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Imagine receiving feedback that leaves you more confused than enlightened. That's exactly what happened to me during my onboarding week in the consulting world. In an attempt to provide constructive criticism, a senior manager said, "You come across too raw." Wait, what?
What was I supposed to make of that? Was it a compliment or an insult? It left me feeling confused and unsure of how to improve, hindering my ability to contribute effectively to the team for the rest of the exercise.
We're constantly picking up feedback from others and our surroundings, using it as a radar to gauge how we're doing and where we're going. But what happens when those radar signals are unclear?
Last week, we explored how taking offense can hinder growth. This week, I am following up with the art of giving and receiving feedback constructively, turning potential conflict into a catalyst for positive change.
Feedback is not about haphazardly telling somebody all the opinions you have of them. The purpose of feedback is to have an impact. Specifically, the kind of impact that promotes growth, learning, and evolution on a personal, team, or organizational level.
About 40% of managers feel uncomfortable giving direct feedback
Approximately 25% of organizations claim a lack of management training as a key obstacle to effective feedback practices
(Source: Gallup)
It Can Be Tricky
The biggest barrier to providing feedback is the fear of conflict. Nobody enjoys conflict, offending others, or risking the breakdown of trust and loyalty among peers and teammates. This fear can manifest in different ways, whether it's avoiding giving feedback altogether, couching it in vague language to soften the blow, or even overcompensating by becoming overly critical.
It's human nature to sometimes react defensively or resort to finger-pointing and blame when giving or receiving feedback. We often attach stories and meanings to feedback, which can escalate situations into a lose-lose blame game. This is often compounded by our insecurities and past experiences with negative feedback, making us hesitant to give and receive it effectively.
Another major barrier to feedback is safety and trust. Without it, healthy feedback can't work. Who hasn't been on the receiving end of "Come into my office? Can I talk to you?" That is not the way to build safety and trust.
Building a Foundation
A healthy feedback culture goes beyond saving face or avoiding embarrassment. It requires a growth mindset, ownership of who we are, humility, and a healthy dose of optimism, believing that tomorrow is a new day to try again.
It starts with psychological safety and trust. Leaders can establish and promote a feedback culture by laying a foundation built on clear values and a shared purpose of growth. Most importantly, they must model the behavior they want to see by walking the walk.
Many successful companies have prioritized feedback as a core part of their culture. For example, Reed Hastings, Netflix co-founder, created a culture deck emphasizing radical candor and direct feedback. In his book "No Rules Rules," he outlines the "4A" framework for giving feedback, which aligns with creating psychological safety by ensuring feedback is helpful, specific, and well-received, empowering the receiver to decide how to proceed:
Aim to Assist (make feedback helpful)
Actionable (provide specific, concrete suggestions)
Appreciate (receive feedback positively)
Accept or Disregard (the receiver decides whether to implement)
These operate under key principles like giving feedback immediately, being direct but kind, and focusing on intent over exact words.
Feedback in Action
A mentor of mine used to say praise in public and provide feedback in private. This isn't a new concept, but it's a crucial one because it creates safety and trust. In his wisdom, he fostered an environment where people felt comfortable taking risks and receiving constructive criticism without fear of public shame or embarrassment.
Marshall Rosenberg, the author of "Nonviolent Communication," pioneered a practical method for providing feedback:
Acknowledge: Describe what happened objectively.
Open Up: Express your thoughts and feelings that came up for you as you observed what happened.
Be Authentic: Explain why this is important to you and what core value of yours resonates the most.
Make a Request: State what you want or need based on your feelings and core values.
In my case with that consulting colleague, it might have gone something like this: 'Hey Jane, remember when we were brainstorming ideas, and you pointed out that my communication was a bit too raw? Well, for a second, there, I was confused, and what was coming up for me was this fear of saying the wrong thing. We were in brainstorming mode; I was throwing out ideas. Did I offend you, or did I come on too strong in my communication? The last thing I meant to do was offend or make anybody uncomfortable. But learning and improving is important to me, so if you feel you have constructive feedback for me, I'm all ears. I'd love to hear it."
Unfortunately, we never cleared that up—we never crossed paths again. But I now know that much of that had to do with me adjusting to North American social codes and language, both verbal and non-verbal. I would've appreciated somebody pointing some of these things out to me back then. It would've saved me a lot of time.
Personally, I value feedback because it helps me understand where I stand. By knowing where I stand, I can better sense whether I want to continue investing myself, my time, and my energy into a friendship, relationship, team, group, or organization.
It's funny how feedback sometimes works: you'd like to have it because we'd all like to be better, but you don't get it, and when you do get it, you may get offended by it because of the context.
Reap the Rewards
Research shows that companies with strong feedback cultures have significantly higher employee engagement, retention rates, and innovation. When feedback is given and received constructively, it creates a continuous improvement loop, leading to increased performance, stronger relationships, and a more positive work environment. A feedback-rich environment fosters a culture of learning and experimentation, where individuals feel empowered to take risks, innovate, and contribute their best work, instilling a sense of optimism for a brighter future.
Amazon, known for its leadership principles, uses continuous feedback as a tool for constant improvement to maintain and live by those leadership principles. This so-called tool is so ingrained in their processes that it has become part of their culture. And it works both ways, between employees and managers.
Not Just a Buzzword
Feedback, when used constructively, is an invaluable tool for continuous improvement on many levels. Embrace feedback as a gift and create a culture of open and honest communication, even in a team of two. But when we do, we unlock the potential for transformative growth on both a personal and organizational level, empowering us to take control of our growth and development.
I’m curious, what kind of experiences have you had with negative or ambiguous feedback?
Now, I'd like to challenge you to transform feedback from toxic poison to fuel for growth. How would you start a feedback-rich culture in your own life and work?
Whether practicing the "4As" or mastering the art of Nonviolent Communication, choose one strategy from this article and put it into action this week.
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Mariano is a transformational leadership coach specializing in Personal Branding, Strategic Leadership, and Creative Action. Through his signature SHIFT approach, he helps leaders discover authentic perspectives that transform how they see themselves and their potential. His clients consistently report gaining both clarity of purpose and practical strategies that inspire meaningful action.
Ready to explore your leadership potential? Schedule a complimentary consultation to discover how we can work together toward your goals.
