Leadership Through Self-Reflection: A Step-by-Step Guide
Many see leadership as something we do at times or possibly a hat we wear at work, or a technique we apply with our sports team. However, leadership is much more than that. It is in everything we do, whether we are aware of it or not. It encompasses communication and how we share; it influences others and their behavior and, ultimately, shapes our reality through our relationships — including the relationship we have with ourselves.
The most important aspect is that it affects us whether we are conscious of our behavior patterns or not. In the end, being aware of how we shape our reality can only benefit us and can be done through self-reflection and self-inquiry.
Let’s explore how self-reflection and self-inquiry can help us enhance our leadership skills.
Taking Ownership
Taking responsibility is commonly regarded as a euphemism for who’s to blame. In the book “A Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl, he coined the term “response-ability” — the ability we have to respond to any given situation.
Frankl said that how he survived confinement in a German concentration camp in World War II was to choose how he responded to the circumstances of imprisonment. So, in essence, being responsible is knowing that we have a choice in making the most of every situation we’re in. That choice that we have is where our ownership lies.
Leaders like to step back to see the bigger picture and identify what role they are playing inside the puzzle of circumstances. They check in with themselves to see whether they are reacting (an automated response we all have) or if there is a choice in their way of looking at a situation that could give a different perspective.
One of my favorite questions to ask myself is taken from Jerry Colonna’s book Reboot: Leadership and the Art of Growing Up.” The question he invites us to ask is, “How am I complicit in helping to create the conditions in my life that I claim not to want?”
Although this question can elicit quite a deep dive, the gist of it is simply “How am I contributing to the circumstances?” This question, in turn, leads to the next question: “Is this what I want, and are these the results that I want for myself?” This dovetails into the next section of this article: Purpose.
Know the Purpose of What You’re Doing
So, while the previous section focused on ownership and asked the “What do I want” question, this section is about the “Why do I want this.”
Part of leadership is being clear on the purpose of what you’re doing – be it a personal project, a project with a team, or your role within your company, a relationship, or a friendship. What is it that you’d like to get out of the situation you’re in? What do you want to get out of a conversation?
And while you ask yourself this, also acknowledge what is working and what is not working within the project or role you’re dealing with. Be clear about what is ultimately the most important thing at stake – hint: it will be strongly related to a core value of yours. Is the outcome that you’re getting aligned with your core values?
Another way of looking at it is to identify what it is that you are striving for. Is it productivity? Team cohesiveness? Providing the most value in the eyes of the client, maybe? Is it the quality of the work product? How aligned are your actions or the team’s actions with the vision and goals you have set for the team, project, or role you’re in? Look deep into your goals and discover the purpose of what is really driving you.
Emotions & Perception
We often see emotions as obstacles or distractions in the pursuit of rational decision-making. However, with self-awareness, when understood and managed effectively, they can serve as a powerful tool to navigate through life's challenges. They can provide us with critical information about our current situation, our interpretation of it, and our biases.
Our emotions can also heavily influence our interpretation of a situation. For instance, if we are feeling stressed or overwhelmed, we may perceive a challenge as insurmountable. Conversely, if we are feeling confident and optimistic, we may view the same challenge as an opportunity for growth and learning. Another example can be anger, which may indicate a need for boundaries or assertiveness, while disappointment may signal a need for self-compassion and acceptance.
By recognizing and accepting our emotions, we can also gain valuable insight into our reactions to challenging situations. And by paying attention to our feelings and what they are trying to tell us, we can better navigate what life throws at us.
Take a Minute
This is the step where we give ourselves a chance to check in with ourselves, and it is important to do so with a sense of curiosity and not self-judgment. Try to remove yourself and be the observer for this minute.
Ask yourself questions such as, "What are the moving parts to this situation? How am I participating in this circumstance? What can I and can’t I control? What is the purpose behind this? And what is the problem that really needs to be solved? How are my feelings about this? And is my personal preference getting in the way of a solution? What resources are available to me that could help me solve the puzzle?"
By asking these questions and looking at challenging situations as problems that want to be solved, your mind goes straight into solutioning and creativity mode. When you switch gears into this mode, you really step into the next level of leadership: resilience, which is the topic of my next blog article.
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Mariano is a growth and leadership coach for changemakers who promotes new ways of exploring perspectives and shifting the lenses we use to see the world. His coaching style leaves people with a sense of clarity and conviction from what is authentically true for them—resulting in being inspired and called into action by the new possibilities that arise.
If you are ready to explore more on this topic and how coaching can help you, please get in touch and set up a free consultation to discover how we can work together.
